RESOURCES

By MARY DAY

Little did I know, when joining FCM's Naples Sangha a year and a half ago, the capacity of one’s heart and mind to open. Practicing the principles of loving kindness, generosity, and selflessness with others in this retreat revealed what a moving and memorable discovery this can be.

Driving from Naples, and looking forward to the retreat, it felt good to arrive at the Tampa Center. The poster of His Holiness the Dalai Lama at the front of the room, with his quote “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible,” set a feeling tone of loving kindness for the entire weekend. Imagining His Holiness present in the room became an anchor. It was a reminder how choosing kindness is an option, anytime and anywhere.

Our retreat sangha had approximately 30 participants, with about a third of the group doing a three-day silent retreat for the first time. The first practice session presented the tools for cultivating true love which included turning on the light of mindfulness, gently digging deeper to understand, and watering seeds through practice. This orientation guided us toward bedtime as we slipped into noble silence for the weekend.

Angie Parrish and David Braasch alternated their presentations, balancing positive energy with a palpable sense of well being. 

The gentle flowing movements and deep breathing of David’s qigong instruction were joyful and uplifting. The continuity and tradition of the "flowing as a river" walking meditation brought us all together. In a unified motion of going forward, David’s recitation of Thich Nhat Hahn’s quote, encouraged us to lead with the left foot and say to ourselves “I have arrived”, then follow with the right foot “I am home”. I could feel in the cadence of this walking meditation a continual and gentle reminder of our interconnectedness.

Angie’s presentations were skillfully balanced and gently held my attention. Practicing deep sharing and deep listening with a person I had just met was comforting and profoundly touching. Sharing causes and conditions, each of our hearts opened. I felt acknowledged and truly seen. Though our experiences were quite different, the recognition of her suffering gave larger context for mine, transforming into "our" suffering. The practice of tonglen helped me in support of this realization. I breathed in the communal suffering. I breathed out healing and love for communal relief.

Practicing work meditation in the garden was restful for my mind and invigorating for my body. It was a joyful experience to be outside with others, enjoying the exquisite beauty of a Bodhi tree’s leaf! The person I was sharing this with pointed out the leaf’s heart shape, which opened my heart even wider. 

The closing circle gave us each an opportunity to share one or two insights from the retreat. Mine included: 1) A way to turn on the light of mindfulness can be adhering to a daily meditation practice every morning and  2) A way to gently dig deeper for understanding can be putting oneself in other people’s shoes. 

Mary Day was introduced to meditation in the 1980s using Thich Nhat Hanh’s The Miracle of Mindfulness. She and her husband retired to Naples nine years ago. Both are artists and maintain a "smallwalls" studio in the Naples Art District.

By DEBORAH BLAIR

In January I attended the workshop Fred offered on trauma and resilience. Rather than understanding trauma and how it relates to me, I had initially considered registering for the workshop primarily because I was interested in understanding intellectually how the word “trauma” is being used today in popular culture, and how to use the historical Buddhist perspective related to resilience. But that’s not what happened for me.  

Instead, I found myself signing up for the workshop because of the experience I had growing up in my family. We didn’t call it, “Going No Contact” or “Ghosting” in those days, but that’s what it was. There would be a colorful fight between two parties. Then months or years might pass before the parties spoke again.  Or the Ghosting might only last for a weekend. After the alcohol was out of the way, there would be a handshake, pat on the back, or a bro hug.

The Ghosting was always about one person feeling victimized by another and the victimizer defending their actions. On the periphery, other family members chose sides, whispered, and gossiped. I found this entire cycle of family behavior to be traumatic in the sense that the fights were never really resolved, and family members never really trusted one another. 

This cycle of Ghosting has been going on for multiple generations in my family, and was continuing with me and my daughter repeatedly “Going No Contact.”

To be honest, I ended up registering for the workshop simply because I wanted to learn how to fix this situation with my daughter. A huge expectation, right? But my daughter had contacted me shortly before the workshop, and we had begun to communicate once again, albeit very cautiously on my part. So I wanted our communicating to continue without “Going No Contact” again, but didn’t really know how to do that in a way that would build a foundation for resolving any future conflicts without resorting to repeated Ghosting. 

Trying to be openminded and willing as I entered the Meditation Hall for the workshop, I soon found a cushion where two people made space for me to sit. The group was large, and I was nearly late, which always rattles me. But soon everyone settled down, and the talk began. As Fred began to speak, I quickly realized that this workshop was not going to be like anything I had prepared myself for. Instead, Fred was sharing the kind of gentle understanding that I had come to expect from FCM workshops and retreats I’ve attended in the past. His perspective on trauma and resilience was also unexpected. 

Fred spoke of how the culture that we live in conditions our world view and beliefs, along with how we understand and experience trauma. He noted how the internet spreads ideas and news in ways that humans had never experienced before such technological advances.

He reminded us that life is full of unpleasant experiences, and that suffering is a basic tenet of Buddhism. He taught us how we can reframe trauma and become resilient by practicing Right View and understanding the causes of suffering—including how open communication helps us to understand ways in which others may experience our actions as causes of their own suffering.  

Overall, I left the workshop appreciating how we can reframe trauma and become resilient by practicing Right View, and committed to understanding better through opening myself to conversation with others about how my actions may be experienced as causes of suffering for them—suffering I’m unaware of unless it’s brought to my attention.  

Deborah Blair of Placida, FL, has been an FCM member for two years.

By JUDY CLEMENTS

As a relative newcomer, I approached my first FCM intensive with mixed emotions. Desperate to close out 2024 with some real sense of accomplishment, I knew the timing was perfect. The topics and teachers aligned with my preferences. Yet anxiety and resistance dampened my enthusiasm as I contemplated the requirement of being a “Dharma Buddy,” especially the “Buddy” part. 

Bonding with others has always been a struggle for me. In my early years I withdrew from my family to find comfort and solace in the book universe. While I excelled in an academic setting, doing so did not help me learn how to make and maintain friendships. Growing up, I didn’t have a suburban neighborhood to promote social skills during after-school free time.

As an adult, I enjoyed success In my professional life, but my personal relationships continued to be problematic and frustrating. Although my compulsive intellectual pursuit of understanding eventually built a base of relevant knowledge, I remained unable to implement the changes that I felt were necessary for me to be happy or find any modicum of peace. 

Stumbling through the doors of FCM and into the loving arms of the sangha was a profound experience I was not expecting. So much of what had been missing from my life seemed readily available in my new community. I arrived as a loner, self-absorbed and isolated, but soon began to explore the many opportunities FCM offered to explore new relationships. I wanted to know how and where I fit in, what I could offer, and what I needed to learn. I participated actively, often, and in many different ways.  

Given my track record with relationships, however, when it came time to register for my first Intensive, I worried and resisted in advance what I perceived as the “accountability/responsibility” factor of participating in the Dharma Buddy program, which was a requirement. Yet once enrolled, my beliefs around my own worthiness soon proved to be inaccurate.

I was paired with the perfect Dharma Buddy who was “just right” for me. Trust and confidence in myself and buddy soon developed as we shared aspirations and intentions, successes and frustrations without judgment or giving advice. The daily support of a Dharma Buddy helped us both to remember the teachings and our commitment to follow through on specific intentions. There was flexibility, creativity, and endless potential for enriching our relationship. I grew to appreciate the endless storehouse of wisdom in another’s perspective. I experienced great comfort, peace, and reassurance in our sharing and communicating in ways steeped in the Dharma. 

By the end of the Intensive, I clearly saw how my worries about being an inadequate Dharma Buddy were yet another example of wasted energy keeping me unhappy. My Dharma Buddy relationship unfolded as a microcosm of the sangha -- individuals paired and connected to add energy and vision to the collective, strengthening and enlivening our work and the teachings. For me, this program and other opportunities to practice deep sharing/listening have been one of the most rewarding aspects of being part of FCM. I would not want to miss out on any opportunity to participate in the Dharma Buddy Program again!  

Judy Clements of Seffner is a retired educator.  She experienced a homecoming when finding FCM, where the Dharma Buddies Program helped her to connect with like-minded people.     

By VAN TUYET ANH LE

My main intention was to visit my family in Vietnam. I had not planned to attend the third memorial retreat and ceremony marking the passing of Thich Nhat Hanh (Thay) on January 18 at Tu Hieu Pagoda, his root temple in Hue Province. But my roommate's mom, who is a sangha member there, encouraged me to participate.

My approach was to relax and embrace the spiritual atmosphere. I believe the best way to cultivate deep awareness of the miracles around me is through relaxation and mindfulness. With this intention, I was able to open my heart, practice kindness, and connect with sangha members from different backgrounds.Above, Le visits Thay's "Breathing Room" at his root temple, Tu Hieu, in Hue, Vietnam.

The ceremony was held over three days. Centered around the retreat’s theme, “Sangha Gathering,” I experienced a timeless and spaceless environment filled with love. I felt as though I were one of Thay’s students, walking peacefully among a community of his spiritual descendants toward my true home and the roots of awakening.

This retreat marked my first experience practicing Buddhism in Vietnam, having begun my practice in America. Initially,I felt like a fish in a new pond. However, my ability to learn Buddhism in both Vietnamese and English enabled me to connect deeply with sanghas from around the world. The retreat hosted approximately 200 monks and nuns from the Plum Village tradition, alongside 500 practitioners. Due to limited accommodations, most participants stayed in nearby Airbnbs.

Above, Thay's calligraphy desk is set up at Tu Hieu Temple.

At the retreat, I was touched by the connection among sangha groups across Vietnam, such as HCMC’s Moonlight Sangha (Tăng Thân Trăng Rằm), Hanoi’s Morning Star Sangha (Tăng Thân Sao Mai), and Hue Sangha. Thay’s teaching of Tình Huynh Đệ (brotherhood) resonated deeply, as the care and compassion shared among participants turned every step in Thay’s home into a practice of mindfulness.

The retreat provided an opportunity to learn about the Vietnam War and the challenges Thay and his students faced during that time. I also gained insight into the efforts of the first and younger sangha generations to bridge the gap created during Thay’s years in exile, reflecting their dedication to practicing mindfulness in education, business, family and relationships.

Thay's living room at Tu Hieu Temple.

Practitioners shared their aspirations to incorporate mindfulness into workplaces and to reform Vietnam’s education system by fostering kindness and compassion. Mrs. Hang, a representative of Plum Village’s Wake-Up School, emphasized that true transformation begins with cultivating love and inclusiveness within ourselves. She stressed that such changes, starting with teachers, are essential for inspiring broader societal shifts.

Additionally, I cherished hearing personal stories from Thay’s students about his teachings, daily routines, and hobbies. Brother Pháp Niệm shared that while Thay was often seen as gentle and soft, he could also be firm when needed.

This retreat deepened my respect for Thay and his vision of collective awakening for all beings. His teachings of brotherhood and compassion continue to inspire, transcending generational divides and nurturing a path of mindfulness for the future.

What I feel most strongly after the retreat is a deeper faith in the path. As Thay said, "Happiness is the way," and I am now even more convinced of my understanding of true happiness. The path is already within me; I just need to remain calm, relax, walk peacefully with each step, and bring love both to myself and those around me.

Van Tuyet Anh Le of Tampa, who is Vietnamese, began studying abroad at the University of South Florida in 2022. She discovered FCM through its website and has been practicing as an FCM member for the past seven months. She is a vegetarian, and her hobbies include cooking, reading, and spending time with friends. One thing that often stands out about her is her smile and her dedication to the spiritual path.

By PAT LUKACS

Pulling into my usual parking spot, the one farthest from the Swan Motel and closest to the familiar wooden gate, I awkwardly dislodge my arthritic right hip to get out of the car, limp through the side gate, and clamber up the steps to the back door of the Meditation Building. By now, my right leg is stretched out, my hip is behaving a little better, and I’m feeling more physically

 grounded. At the door, my inner equilibrium begins to catch up with my physical stability.

I pause, remembering to breathe, soothe and center myself with the gatha, “I am home. I have arrived.”

Each morning of housekeeping selfless service at FCM is made meaningful and

Pat Lukacs, left, with

co-leader Eleanor Cecil

enjoyable for me because of these pauses, these transitional moments that I’ve come to identify as a type of spiritual punctuation. As a retired English teacher, I’m weirdly aware of punctuation--not just the visual type that we use to signal pauses and inflection in writing--but also the many “figurative” or spiritual forms that can serve the same purpose in the rhythms of everyday thought and action. 

The pause that seems so accessible while I’m “home” at FCM, easily eludes me elsewhere. Despite my efforts to remain focused and deliberate off the FCM campus, the day’s thoughts and events often rush by with no space or transitional moments between them. In contrast, while housekeeping at FCM, I move effortlessly in a peaceful rhythm from one task to the next marked by pauses that seem to elevate me beyond an aging body, disintegrating joints, and a distracted mind. The habitual tension and hurriedness, the jerky awkwardness that are frequent companions when I clean my own house are missing at FCM when my housekeeping is punctuated by transitional moments. 

I usually begin by collecting trash and recycling, first from the Meditation Hall, then from the Education Building, and finally from Great Cloud Refuge. As I leave each building, I offer a surreptitious bow in recognition of the sacred purpose of the physical space and also in gratitude for the role this building has played over the years in nurturing my own practice.

As I move to another task, whether vacuuming entrances and foyers or scrubbing toilets and sinks, I punctuate. The breaks between tasks provide full stops. In these pauses, I'm able to gently release my conditioned response, the habitual drive to complete tasks as thoroughly and efficiently as possible.

I can replace the race with "good enough," with relaxed appreciation and gratitude. There are serene gaps, brief pauses often repeated at even intervals, not only between tasks, but also within tasks.  Wiping up the window, “I love to clean and scrub;” wiping down tday my heart and mind grow clearer.”

Cleaning completed, I return to my self-assigned parking spot, curious to see if maybe I actually can—by silencing the chatter of self-imposed limits--find and savor these marks of spiritual punctuation, these pauses at transitional moments throughout the rest of the day.

Pat Lukacs has been a member of FCM for about 10 years.  She is an ordained member of the Order of Interbeing, is co-leader with Eleanor Cecil of  the Housekeeping Team, and lives in Seminole Heights, where she cohabitates with two geriatric dogs. 

By ANGIE PARRISH

“Isn’t some anxiety normal?” Fred was asked on Day One of our recent retreat on Composting Fear into Fearlessness. Doesn’t everyone sometimes get worried or anxious about potentially unpleasant encounters, not being liked, getting sick or injured, approaching hurricanes, climate change, election outcomes, and so forth?  

Fred’s resounding “No!” surprised many of us. 

Anxiety and worry may be widespread, he taught, but this kind of fear is neither innate nor helpful. Yes, fear is helpful when we’re faced with imminent physical danger that triggers a fight or flight response, such as a bear poised to attack. But fear and anxiety arising in response to thoughts about what could happen in the future do nothing to protect us. Such imaginings only cause us to suffer and rob us of ease, joy and intimacy with life and other beings.

Amid engaging teacher/student interaction that included much laughter, Fred’s teachings and Bill MacMillen’s guided meditations during the retreat helped us to see how we could begin to understand and transform our fear into fearlessness.

We learned how:  

• We’re not born fearful and anxious. Fear arises and grows in our mind as a consequence of how we perceive and respond to life experiences.  
  
• Fear causes us to contract, constrict, and live from a place of protecting “self” instead of responding to life with confidence and ease.
  
• Worry, anxiety, and fear arise in the mind as a response to worrisome thoughts.  External triggers are not the root of our fear. If they were, everyone would be afraid of spiders.
  
• We humans tend to overestimate danger and undervalue our capacity to respond effectively. Fred used two hands (picture a scale of justice with two pans) to represent how fear arises in the imbalance between the perceived danger on one hand and our capacity to respond on the other.
  
• We cannot accurately predict the future. All we can do is prepare for reasonable possibilities and then deal with whatever happens when it does, remembering always to investigate our fear by asking, “Is it true?”
  
• Mindfulness is absolutely essential to transforming our fear into fearlessness. IF we notice fear arising in the mind or body, AND we stop to name and welcome it, we can calm it by coming back to the present moment, placing attention on the breath, and letting go of those fearful thoughts about what might happen in the future.   

At our closing circle early Sunday morning, everyone shared their insights from the retreat and plans for bringing the teachings into their daily lives. Later during Sunday Sangha, Fred asked three retreatants to share their experiences. 

• Monica shared how much stress she was experiencing from the accumulation of many small fears around her work as a teacher. She realized that her fear of imperfection was creating stress for herself and possibly for her students, and that she could choose to see the beauty of each child and where they weere in the learning process instead of worrying about imperfection. As Monica said, “I think this insight is going to transform who I am as a teacher.”
  
• Patrick, a hedge fund analyst, shared learning that our fears are actually imaginary – made up in our minds – which was a transformational wake-up for him. In the past he had identified as a worrier or anxious person.  Now he saw how none of us is an anxious or fearful person by nature because no one is born fearful or anxious. So he can transform his fear instead of continuing to be a worrier. 
  
• Joan, a retired psychiatrist attending her first retreat with FCM, shared coming into the retreat with some anxiety but telling herself that her kind of anxiety was normal, and so not a problem. She was surprised to discover there’s no such thing as “normal anxiety.” She described her retreat experience as “beginning a process of unraveling all the tentacles of fear in my life…just sort of peeling the blinders off. And, Step Two, acquiring some tools, which I’m just learning how to use.” 
  

Like all FCM retreats, this one supported us in healing and transforming our suffering. I know first-hand this is why our teacher Fred founded FCM and it remains our shared purpose for existing. I am deeply grateful to Fred and to the many volunteers at the Florida Community of Mindfulness who find our shared purpose so meaningful and give so much support to our mission and vision.

Angie Parrish is Dharma Programs Leader for the Florida Community of Mindfulness. She has been a student of Fred since 1999.

                         By ANDREW ROCK

Dear Jacqulyn, you've become our ancestor,

Showing us the way, quietly departing 

Into the ultimate, preparing

To release the ego, as we practice

To follow your lead, in this final ceremony.

Gently you show us to our places, allowing

Each to discover our part in harmony,

Opening our heart, while seeming to do

Nothing. Dragon Sister, we fly with you

in boundless emptiness, not far behind,

Until we too ripen and settle in

To join the cosmic ceremony. Gate, gate,

Paragate, parasamgate, bodhi svaha!

Gate, gate, paragate, parasamgate, bodhi svaha!

Gate, gate, paragate, parasamgate, bodhi svaha!

Go well, dear sister.

Andrew Rock of Tampa is a long-time member of FCM. He and his wife, Nancy Natilson, were close friends of Jacqulyn Schuett.

By EVELYN HASEMAN

Intentions are not merely thoughts; they are conscious decisions that shape how we interact with the world, transforming our life experience. While aspirations provide the overarching vision—how you wish to manifest your presence in the world—daily intentions are the actionable steps that bring those aspirations to fruition.

Think of aspirations as the big picture, your core values and guiding principles. In contrast, intentions are the focused actions you take each day to embody those values. For example, if your aspiration is to cultivate compassion, a daily intention might be to listen deeply and respond with kindness in your interactions with family at dinner today.

When you set a clear intention, you're doing more than making a mental note—you’re engaging a complex neurochemical process in your brain that supports lasting change. Here’s how it works:

Adrenaline for alertness and energy: Focusing on an intention triggers the release of adrenaline, the hormone that boosts your energy and keeps you alert. This heightened awareness helps you stay engaged with your intention, making it easier to act.

The focus neurotransmitter: Along with adrenaline, your brain releases neuro-transmitters that sharpen your focus and attention. This enables you to concentrate on your intention without distraction, increasing your likelihood of following through.

Together, these neurochemicals create a powerful support system, optimizing your ability to bring your intentions to life. By setting clear intentions, you prime your brain to keep you motivated, focused, and energized, paving the way for real, lasting change.

The Dharma Buddies Program is an ideal way to nurture the practice of setting daily intentions. Each morning, set your intention for the day and text or email it to your Dharma Buddy. Your buddy will respond with their daily intention, creating a space of mutual support and accountability.

The FCM program runs October 7 through December 16, and registration ends September 29. If you’re requesting a specific buddy, both buddies must contact evelynhaseman@gmail.com after completing registration. All FCM members are eligible for a Dharma Buddy, and Fred encourages everyone to participate to help bring change into your life.

If you register for the Mindful Living Path (MLP) Intensive, "Emotional Healing," you will automatically be paired with a buddy for the Intensive unless you request a specific person who is also in the same Intensive. If requesting a specific buddy, contact Evie at evelynhaseman@gmail.com.  You do not need to register separately for the Dharma Buddies program if you are in this Intensive.

There is no charge for a Dharma Buddy. Don’t miss this opportunity to deepen your practice with the power of intentions that can change your life.

Evelyn Haseman of Temple Terrace has been a member of FCM since 2012 and has been involved in several leadership positions, including the Dharma Buddies program for five years. She attends the Tampa Sangha and is a member of the Order of Interbeing.

By DON SIZEMORE

For the past year, I have been a part of “The Path of the Enlightened Being” intensive at FCM. With Fred’s guidance through the Shantideva text, The Way of the Bodhisattva, along with the sharing of other members in my group, my practice has strengthened and grown in ways I never realized possible.

This summer I had ankle surgery and was immobilized for six weeks.   Being a very active person I was concerned about becoming restless. As a teacher with summers off, my time is usually spent gardening, working on home renovations or making pottery. I decided to use my new idle time as a sort of morning retreat. Each morning I sat on my screened  

porch overlooking my garden and pond to meditate, read and reflect on the teachings of Shantideva.

Click on grackle image to view video

The summer part of the intensive was geared towards creating a personal plan of how to integrate the teachings of the first two sessions into our daily lives. I concentrated on acknowledging and clearing the “tinder” in my mind that gets ignited all too easily and provides fuel to minor annoyances throughout the day -- like bad drivers and difficult people I encounter. Rather than reacting quickly I would learn to train my mind to look deeper into the situations that frustrate me and try to better understand the situations and not be so quick to judge.

As the weeks went by I was making noticeable progress. Perhaps my inner gatekeeper was becoming more diligent at clearing the tinder and better dealing with these situations. Or, perhaps being removed from my day to day routine made it easier to pause and reflect.

Knowing how much I love to watch the birds in the garden, my family bought me a bird feeder camera for Father’s Day in hopes that it would help occupy some of my time. I spent many hours post surgery immersed in the up-close videos that were sent to my phone throughout the day, entertained by the adult and fledgling birds making their way to the feeder. The cardinals, wrens, titmouse, brown thrashers, house sparrows and blue jays brought me peace and soothed my restlessness. Until, one day a new bird arrived at the feeder: a grackle.

It quickly became apparent that grackles aren’t the most peaceful birds to watch. They’re noisy, abrupt, and throw seed everywhere! And this particular female spent the day lying directly in the bird seed making it impossible for the others to feed. The video feeder has a speaker on it that I can talk into from my phone.

So after a few days of this grackle interrupting my perfect summer feeder experience I started roaring into my phone in hopes of maybe scaring it away. “ROAR! GET OUT! AHHH!" It wouldn’t budge.

After a few days of this, one morning while meditating my inner gatekeeper turned to me and very bluntly said, “What are you doing? This grackle is the tinder you so quickly ignite. Look closer and try to better understand her.”

So I went back to the feeder videos, sorted through all the clips of her and finally noticed a key element in the story: She was missing a foot. She was lying in the seed because she couldn’t stand on the perch. My frustration had pushed my compassion aside. I immediately felt terrible because of it. She was the driver speeding recklessly past me whom I quickly judged. She was me, hobbling around on crutches unable to carry my own food to the table. She was all of us, unable to articulate a proper cry for help and simply needing a little understanding from the world.

I’m happy to say that after a few more days the grackle was able to begin balancing on the feeder perch and other birds would come feed beside her. I’m also happy to say that through the teachings of Shantideva and the guidance of Fred and the FCM sangha I am able to take lessons like these and use them to strengthen my bodhicitta, hopefully making the world a better place…..one bird at a time.

Don Sizemore has been teaching ceramics and pottery in Hillsborough County Public Schools for 26 years. He has been married to his amazing wife, Erin, for 27 years and together they have two sons, 16 and 20. He wandered into FCM two years ago to learn qigong with David Braasch which led to Sunday morning meditation and then on to numerous intensives along with the formation of a daily practice.

By MARIA CLAUDIA ESCOBAR

I signed up for the retreat “Cultivating the Courageous Heart” without much thought about the topic or focus as I have found all retreats to be a delicious time away from the pushing and pulling of the world and a welcome silent pause to the chaos. This retreat focused on loving kindness and compassion. 

With the first bit of quieting, I saw that my focus in life is what I am doing to others on the outside of me and how everyone else is affecting me. ALL ABOUT ME. And indeed, my life of late has been consumed with tasks, responsibilities, classes which in the end are all focused on me. Yet, I am a person who thrives in the company of o

thers and loves to bring people together and host wonderful gatherings. I noticed I had veered off a path of building community. 

Throughout the weekend, we embarked on a series of exercises and meditations that helped to stir the heart of compassion for ourselves and others. What became clearly apparent was how easily I feel for others’ suffering and share a kind word or gesture and yet how harshly I speak to and reprimand myself for things great and small. I heard the many judgments I make about myself, constantly trying to push and prod “me” into shape, so that everything will be okay. What those wonderful exercises and meditations revealed is that everything is okay …. I have to be willing to rest my mind and ease into the quiet. There is peace there. 

My meditation experience is often muddled and frustrating. I go through sessions where I have no idea why I am sitting there wasting all this time as my mind races endlessly with just morsels of quiet here and there. I wonder if ever I will bear the fruits of mindfulness if I cannot manage a mere 30 minutes of calm. And so the judgments about me, mediation, Buddhism, Fred --- all of it — carries me away to a land of frustration and futility. 

During this retreat, we had wonderful guided meditations that helped me revive kindness and tenderness for myself. With plenty of time for rest and relaxation, I did find and touch glimpses of peace and quiet that feel wonderfully nourishing. Angie Parrish had mentioned that meditation and mindfulness helps to bring clarity which had never sunk in with me, nor had that been my experience.

However, after the retreat I actually saw a difference in my actual vision. I wear glasses all the time and kept wondering if I was wearing a different prescription. More of the beautiful wide world was gazing back at me through the same glasses. I was just seeing more of what was already there. It was amazing and I finally got it. 

There were no huge revelations, yet I did get a clearness to my heart and being that is tough to describe. There was a steadiness, a solidity without so much noise coming from my mind. I noticed I was much softer and easier with myself. 

For me the takeaways were:

• The outside affects the inside -- Having no cell phone, not reading anything nor listening to anything absolutely helps to quiet the inside. I noticed the pull my cell phone has on me with a constant desire to read or overcome boredom by scrolling. I also struggle with sleep and usually read something before bedtime to reach sleep. During the retreat, I used nothing and slept wonderfully.
• We all want the same thing -- We did a powerful exercise where you look into the eyes of another person without saying a word. The power of connection was overwhelming and it easily brought me to tears. I spend so much of my life judging others that I miss the opportunity to see and feel that they are just like me --- seeking, hoping, loving, suffering, living and dying. This helped me to see our common humanity in mundane interactions and increased my desire to wish others well, even if I have no relationship with them.
• Clarity -- I often struggle to sit on my cushion, given my unsatisfactory experiences. I realized that a constellation of factors will help to bring the clarity that can come with mindfulness and meditation as it did on this retreat:

-- not cluttering my mind with unnecessary information, noise, visual input

-- even though I enjoy reading, being selective can reduce the space that such things take up in my mind

-- it’s okay not to be DOING all the time, give the “to do” list a break, and relax, go to bed early, daydream, walk without a destination

• Spend more time loving myself -- Bring sunshine, flowers and soft puffy white clouds to my inner world, which can be harsh and cold and unrelenting. Express gratitude, appreciation and love to my inner child. Softening the inside is more relaxing, inviting, and energizing.

Angie and David Braasch are wonderful human beings who shared all of who they are to guide us on a path of love and kindness to ourselves and others. Their gifts are immeasurable and their humility is inviting. I am immensely grateful to FCM and Fred’s determination and vision of what is possible. Without such a visionary among us, where would our wandering minds and lives be? The beauty, calm and commitment demonstrated at FCM in every detail is a wonderful inspiration and comfort to me. 

Maria Claudia Escobar lives in downtown Tampa. It took a few years before she signed up for a retreat because she was afraid that the sitting would be unbearably long and strict. “How foolish I was -- losing out on precious time to feel peace and calm and joy within. Now, I jump at the chance,” she says. She has been coming to FCM over the past four years. Her joys include people, arranging flowers, hospitality, the beach, and travel.